Some time ago, I had the pleasure of this exchange with a CompuServe member to whom I'll refer by his initials, "ARL." I respected his opinion very highly before this, so I was not surprised to find him holding these views. I save everything, but even if I didn't, I think I'd have held onto these encouraging words, which I've edited somewhat for brevity and clarity-- but which I believe are still faithful to the original context.
I should emphasize the distinction here between modest clothing and dressy clothing. The following discussion deals with modesty only. I happen to believe strongly that our clothes should be both dressy and modest, but modesty is clearly a higher virtue than dressiness. I can, at least, cite a Catechism reference for modesty, so I know I'm on firmer ground there and much less likely to compromise.
ARL: Now... I am going to reveal one of the world's best kept secrets [grin]. And I am not going to charge anyone a therapist's fees for it. Someone... said recently, "You can no more be a spiritual being without being a sexual being than you can be a sexual being without being a spiritual being". Hidden in those words is a great secret. When it comes to seeking a spouse, every intelligent person seeks to find one who is "warm, sensitive, caring, giving, etc." Right? Did you know that there is a way to make that determination visually? Not 100%, but I have it on good evidence that it is so accurate that only an idiot would overlook it... Look for them in the person who is so aware of themselves sexually that they keep themselves full clothed at all times. Your only task then is to determine whether they do so from a sense of "sinful shame", or from awareness of their sexual-spiritual nature in a sinful world. Disbelieve me at your own jeopardy [smile].
Me: This really gives me great comfort, because I hope to marry a woman who won't even wear shorts in public.
ARL: I did. And it reflected in everything else she did also, like a brightly shining beacon.
Me: I don't swim or sunbathe (nothing to do with religion, really), so being fully clothed is easy for me in that regard, but how do you propose that other people handle swimming? Should they wear outfits that cover everything, or should they skip swimming? I know that some people would choose the latter rather than the former!
ARL: Personally, I chose the latter. But for those men who don't, boxer trunks are still available. Don't know if women can still get decent swimsuits or not. But if enough demand them, they'll start showing up on the shelves again. There are several activities today that I consider to be borderline for Catholics. Bars, movies, and public swimming are examples. As human as He is, there is no way I can picture Jesus involved in one of those. Or His Mother and foster father. It is time for reality to hit Catholics squarely in the face. We live in a sinful world, and unless we can be distinguished from it, we are not BEING Catholic. "Take up your cross [daily] and come and follow me". I don't see any crosses being dragged into those activities. "Live in the world but be not a part of it". "If I thought it would scandalize a brother I would never eat meat again". Those Scriptures have to mean something or the rest means nothing. If He is not God on the beach, He is not God in the Churchhouse.
Me: You see, that's what your philosophy allows us. The more we keep covered, the more we have to give to a spouse, and the richer a marital relationship can be.
ARL: Again, I can't add to that.
Since that conversation, I have been praying that I may find my own "brightly shining beacon." She's out there, somewhere, waiting for me, I hope. I also suspect that at least one such person is in heaven now, praying for me and the lady of my dreams.
Recently, I was reading some more of "ARL's" writing, and I happened to come across this gem:
"Pleasant memory. When I was married, our 'friends' used to tell my wife how miserable she was, since I was 'so strict.' Later, she'd tell me, 'They just see how happy I am and they're jealous. They don't understand that I love you BECAUSE you are a rock. I know I can depend on you.' [grin]
"It just dawned on me. That was 3 couples who used to visit with us. ALL 3 are long divorced."
I had to add that because lots of people are going to go through this quiz and say, "Man, is he strict," or maybe even, "too far behind the times for me!" All I can say is, "Do you want a happy marriage or a divorce?"
By the way, here's another of "ARL's" gems:
"An adage that is never heard anymore: 'A man will always raise or lower his standards to match that of the woman he is with. Adam was only the first.' Makes one wonder less why the world is in the condition it is in, especially since, 'The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.'"
Now you all know why I'm aiming so high.